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  • UPS Airlines

    Got this in an E-mail, funny stuff:

    UPS Airlines

    Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one...a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
    After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
    By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.



    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
    *
    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
    *
    P: Something loose in cockpit
    S: Something tightened in cockpit
    *
    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.
    *
    P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent...
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
    *
    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.
    *
    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.
    *
    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.
    *
    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
    *
    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.
    *
    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
    *
    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    (I love this one!)
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
    *
    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
    *
    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.
    *
    And the best one for last
    *
    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget
    It's not "derailed", as long as the last post relates to the post above it...it's just on a different rail, heading into a more interesting direction

  • #2
    I hate flying.................:):):)
    U.S. Army "Retired"
    (Disabled Veteran)

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    • #3
      I fly for a living. That "email" has been around a looooong time. It's funny everytime I read it.



      UF
      http://evylchopper.blogspot.com/

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      • #4
        Engineers Rock

        Log Books are full of this stuff....

        Chris (Steveston)
        Herd # 93
        Retired Navy Vet

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        • #5
          :laughout:dan:laughout:dan
          HERD Member #114
          2007 FLHTCU Ultra Classic
          When all else fails, GET A BIGGER HAMMER!
          If common sense was so common, wouldn't everyone have it?

          AKA: DAN

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          • #6
            Crazy people don't know they're crazy, I know I'm crazy therefore I'm not crazy, isn't that crazy.....

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            • #7
              Mo, that's some funny stuff!!:):):):)
              OFFICIAL HERD MEMBER #83
              2014 FLHXS
              U.S. NAVY Veteran

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              • #8
                now that's funny. I saw it a couple years ago, but still made me laugh out loud
                Ride in Peace Wndchsr


                www.my.doterra.com/jbush

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