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  • Perfect Day

    PERFECT DAY FOR A WOMAN:
    8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
    8:30 Weigh 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday.
    8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.
    9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.
    10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.
    10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out.
    12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe.
    12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs..
    1:00 Shopping with friends.
    3:00 Nap.
    4:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer.
    4:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage
    5:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror.
    7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.
    10:00 Hot shower. Alone.
    10:30 Make love.
    11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
    11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.

    PERFECT DAY FOR A MAN:
    6:00 Alarm.
    6:15 Blowjob.
    6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section.
    7:00 Breakfast. Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and coffee.
    7:30 Limo arrives.
    7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport.
    8:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia.
    9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.
    9:45 Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par.
    11:45 Lunch. 2 dozen oysters on the half shell. 3 Heinekens.
    12:15 Blowjob.
    12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par.
    2:15 Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay martinis.
    2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap.
    3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew.
    4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin-1249 lbs.
    5:00 Jet back home. En route, get massage from naked supermodel.
    7:00 Watch CNN Newsflash. Clinton resigns.
    7:30 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 Oz. New York strip.
    9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar.
    10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs.
    11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi.
    11:45 Go to bed.
    11:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room.
    11:55 Laugh yourself to sleep.
    The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse, will be pretending I'm not excited!

  • #2
    Haaa! That's gonna cost you! Wait til the respected ladies read this Jim! They are going to strip you naked and tie you up to the HERD post somewhere....

    .
    2010 FLHX - Street Glide
    HERD MEMBER #00003

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    • #3
      Originally posted by TheBoss View Post
      Haaa! That's gonna cost you! Wait til the respected ladies read this Jim! They are going to strip you naked and tie you up to the HERD post somewhere....

      Be interesting to hear from them how close to the mark it is....
      The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse, will be pretending I'm not excited!

      Comment


      • #4






        Last edited by Dan; 05-05-2010, 08:19 PM.
        HERD Member #114
        2007 FLHTCU Ultra Classic
        When all else fails, GET A BIGGER HAMMER!
        If common sense was so common, wouldn't everyone have it?

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        • #5
          Funny stuff, Jim!!!!:)
          OFFICIAL HERD MEMBER #83
          2014 FLHXS
          U.S. NAVY Veteran

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          • #6
            Oh Cht.:):)
            Appalachian Redneck

            "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely, in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used and worn out, loudly proclaiming, "WOW!!! WHAT A RIDE!!!"

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