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Oil Change with a Twist

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  • Oil Change with a Twist

    :laughout Oil Change instructions for Women:

    1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 5000 kilometres since the last oil change.


    2. Drink a cup of coffee.


    3. 15 minutes later, write a cheque and leave, driving a properly-maintained vehicle.



    Money spent:

    Oil Change:

    $30.00
    Coffee: $1.00
    TOTAL: $31.00





    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------



    Oil Change instructions for Men:


    1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,and use your debit card for $50.00.


    2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.


    3. Open a beer and drink it.


    4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.


    5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.


    6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.


    7. Place drain pan under engine.


    8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.


    9. Give up and use crescent wrench.


    10. Unscrew drain plug.


    11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.


    12. Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.


    13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.


    14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.


    15. Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.


    16. Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.


    17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.


    18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.


    19. Remember drain plug from step 11.


    20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.


    21. Drink beer.


    22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.


    23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.


    24. Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.


    25. Begin cussing fit.


    26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.


    27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.


    28. Beer.


    29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.


    30. Beer.


    31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.


    32. Beer.


    33. Lower car from jack stands.


    34. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.


    35. Beer.


    36. Test drive car.


    37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.


    38. Car gets impounded.


    39. Call loving wife, make bail.


    40. 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.



    Money spent:
    Parts: $50.00
    DUI: $2500.00
    Impound fee: $75.00
    Bail: $1500.00
    Beer: $20.00
    TOTAL: $4,145.00


    But you know the job was done right!
    Chris (Steveston)
    Herd # 93
    Retired Navy Vet

  • #2






    HERD Member #114
    2007 FLHTCU Ultra Classic
    When all else fails, GET A BIGGER HAMMER!
    If common sense was so common, wouldn't everyone have it?

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    • #3
      :):):):)
      OFFICIAL HERD MEMBER #83
      2014 FLHXS
      U.S. NAVY Veteran

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      • #4
        :laughout
        :laughout
        :laughout
        Patti, HERD Georgia Girl #113

        RubberDown/Double Secret Agent #19 and Ozzyrral #213...RIP
        We will ride again wndchsr...
        'If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun.' - Katherine Hepburn

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        • #5
          That's MEEEEE!
          .
          2010 FLHX - Street Glide
          HERD MEMBER #00003

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          • #6
            That is Awesome....makes me glad I taught my daughter how to change the oil so I don't have to go through that every 3000 miles :) :laughout
            Robert
            Ear Tag #110
            2012 Vivid Black Heritage
            USAF Retired, Desert Storm Vet
            When you are faced with a dispute, Give them the HERD Salute :)

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            • #7
              thats why I keep putting off my oil change weekend after weekend.. I thought I was the only one that did that crazy stuff

              nice to know others are just as crazy as me..
              HERD MEMBER #00028
              http://treadonthis.blogspot.com
              How about STFU and have a glass of MOO
              Member of the Moo Ton Crew- Ain't no Atheists at 100 up!!!

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              • #8
                I'm pretty sure because of all of those reasons I quit changing my oil. The only good part is the beer breaks!
                HERD Member #114
                2007 FLHTCU Ultra Classic
                When all else fails, GET A BIGGER HAMMER!
                If common sense was so common, wouldn't everyone have it?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Dan View Post
                  I'm pretty sure because of all of those reasons I quit changing my oil. The only good part is the beer breaks!
                  i take appropriate beer breaks with or without oil..

                  as a matter of fact, brb

                  lol
                  HERD MEMBER #00028
                  http://treadonthis.blogspot.com
                  How about STFU and have a glass of MOO
                  Member of the Moo Ton Crew- Ain't no Atheists at 100 up!!!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    :):)
                    Appalachian Redneck

                    "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely, in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used and worn out, loudly proclaiming, "WOW!!! WHAT A RIDE!!!"

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                    • #11
                      Oil ?
                      WTF is that ??
                      U.S. Army "Retired"
                      (Disabled Veteran)

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                      • #12
                        ur supposed to change that stuff? I thought if you just added to it to keep it full it would do the job :moo:moo
                        Ride in Peace Wndchsr


                        www.my.doterra.com/jbush

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