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Jesus knows you're here

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  • Jesus knows you're here

    A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around,

    looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'

    He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

    When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and
    continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he
    heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

    Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
    Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

    'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

    'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

    The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you ?'

    'Moses,' replied the bird.

    'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird
    Moses?'

    'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.
    2018 Road Glide
    Member #00014

  • #2
    Ha Ha.. We never see the good ones on TV!
    Herd member #85

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    • #3
      That's funny right there. We got a chit head breakin into houses in my neighborhood, I'm afraid that no matter what I call my dog, she wouldn't call anyone lunch. She lets my wife's chihuahua dominate her.
      Herd #116

      If I were clever, I'd write something clever here.

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      • #4
        ha! My 3 would be ready to eat! They are real good at that!
        Official "Herd Booze taste tester!"

        Member #0006 :babe

        "Lead paint chips are chewy AND sweet......" In memory of Rick.

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        • #5
          That's the best burglar alarm, a big dog!
          The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse, will be pretending I'm not excited!

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          • #6
            When living in Phoenix in the 80's a police helicopter hovered above my house one night with the the spotlight on. They were definitely looking for someone. I was in the backyard and did'nt think anything of it, it took off and I went in the house. Turned on the TV sat down and then heard someone twisting the front door handle. Fortunately the door was locked and my pitbull named bouncer was just sitting there with this "yeah come on in can't wait to tear your ass up look" she did'nt even bark! Just waiting! Believe me she would have... well you know the rest of that story.
            Herd member #85

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            • #7
              hmmm, that looks like my rot when I try and take his chew toy away from him..scary sum bitch. I feel alot better at night when I am not home and he is there to protect the family. My dogs have a system and work as a team, the little puggle barks her ass off and they think.hmmm little dog no big deal, get inside, the puggle runs behind the 100 pound rot..funniest thing you ever did see!!
              HERDSTER #00115
              Herdstock II survivor
              Herdstock III survivor
              Herdstock IV survivor
              Herdstock VI survivor
              MOO TON CREW member
              I like the dog. If he can't eat it or f**k it, he pisses on it. I can get behind that

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              • #8
                My DobieLab passed away after a long life of love and service,,,
                She was a silent killer,,
                If she needed me awake to let her out at Night to Check out a strange noise
                or go with her to listen through the door she would stand over me while I was sleeping.
                Then Put her face an Inch from my nose and growl real low and deep..
                If I failed to wake she would Bump her wet nose into my nose,,,
                was kinda freaky,,I'd open my eyes and be lookin into hers,,

                Soon as I was awake she would go "On Post" an wait for me
                Never made a sound,,,made It very clear what she would do If needed.

                She proved that to me once,,,
                A full grown BobCat was stalking my wifes small dog,,,,
                My Black 65Lb female DobielabPit Mix Charged the Bobcat, all 30 Lbs of It,,,
                Still not a sound,,
                Cat saw her comming at full speed,,,
                stood up claws raised,,,
                Bobcat died Instantly as Tara passed by and snapped His neck...
                She never made a sound....

                I Hope when I die I get to go to dog Heavan :=)
                Last edited by Osco*; 10-14-2010, 11:43 AM.
                Herd #124
                Age 10 and holding
                Official Herd Poser

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Osco* View Post
                  My DobieLab passed away after a long life of love and service,,,
                  She was a silent killer,,
                  If she needed me awake to let her out at Night to Check out a strange noise
                  or go with her to listen through the door she would stand over me while I was sleeping.
                  Then Put her face an Inch from my nose and growl real low and deep..
                  If I failed to wake she would Bump her wet nose into my nose,,,
                  was kinda freaky,,I'd open my eyes and be lookin into hers,,

                  Soon as I was awake she would go "On Post" an wait for me
                  Never made a sound,,,made It very clear what she would do If needed.

                  She proved that to me once,,,
                  A full grown BobCat was stalking my wifes small dog,,,,
                  My Black 65Lb female DobielabPit Mix Charged the Bobcat, all 30 Lbs of It,,,
                  Still not a sound,,
                  Cat saw her comming at full speed,,,
                  stood up claws raised,,,
                  Bobcat died Instantly as Tara passed by and snapped His neck...
                  She never made a sound....
                  Awesome...............
                  U.S. Army "Retired"
                  (Disabled Veteran)

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                  • #10
                    :laughout:laughout
                    OFFICIAL HERD MEMBER #83
                    2014 FLHXS
                    U.S. NAVY Veteran

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